All that illumination

All that illumination

Donald: What does love mean to you?
Bobby: It is the illumination of life?
Donald: What does marriage mean to you?
Bobby: It is the monthly electricity bill for all that illumination.

Pregnant teen

Pregnant teen

Doctor Sanders asked the teenager, “How did you get pregnant?”

The teen replied, “My parents had gone out to see a movie and my boyfriend came home.”

Doctor Sanders asked, “Did you not want to go out with your parents for the movie?”

The teen answered, “How could I? It was an adult movie.”

Not before marriage

Not before marriage

When David met Kelly at a bar, there was instant chemistry. They ended up at his place and were kissing passionately. One thing let to another and soon he was tugging at her underclothes. Kelly stopped him and said, “Listen David, I really like you but I do not want to do it before marriage.”

David asked for her phone and saving his number on her phone, said, “Ok, call me once you get married.”

Suffering

Suffering

My ex-gf was responsible for a lot of suffering in my life. I found a unique way to get even with her. We broke up 2 weeks back. She handles the cash at the local DMart store. So to make her life miserable, I go to DMart every now and then to buy a few packs of condoms even though I am not seeing anyone. She can forget her peace of mind!

Nostalgic

Nostalgic

Mrs. Gulati, the class teacher of standard 10 in a small city of India, was taking a look at the group photograph of the class. She addressed the class and said: My dear students, when you look at this photograph after a few years, you will feel nostalgic. Some of you will point out and say, “Look, that’s Rohit, he now lives in the USA, and that’s Anita, she now works in the UK, and the boy there is Ravi. He went nowhere.”

Ravi, a little offended by this, shot back, “And here in Mrs. Gulati who is no more.”

Famous singer

Famous singer

A friend of mine from Chandigarh, who had aspirations to become a famous singer, tried to participate in a show. He persuaded the organizers to give him a big fee and told them, “Everyone knows me!”

Finally, the musical event happened and only 5 people turned up.

The manager of the event was mad at him and shouted, “You have deceived us! You claimed that everyone knows you but only 5 people showed up!”

My friend replied, “Relax. The people who turned up are the ones who didn’t know me!”

Non-stop

Non-stop

David tells his friend on the long distance call, “It’s been pouring non-stop here since the past 4 days. You know my wife Julia feels extremely down when it rains and keeps looking though the window. If it doesn’t stop raining in the next 2 days, guess I will have to let her in.”