Mrs. Gulati, the class teacher of standard 10 in a small city of India, was taking a look at the group photograph of the class. She addressed the class and said: My dear students, when you look at this photograph after a few years, you will feel nostalgic. Some of you will point out and say, “Look, that’s Rohit, he now lives in the USA, and that’s Anita, she now works in the UK, and the boy there is Ravi. He went nowhere.”
Ravi, a little offended by this, shot back, “And here in Mrs. Gulati who is no more.”
A friend of mine from Chandigarh, who had aspirations to become a famous singer, tried to participate in a show. He persuaded the organizers to give him a big fee and told them, “Everyone knows me!”
Finally, the musical event happened and only 5 people turned up.
The manager of the event was mad at him and shouted, “You have deceived us! You claimed that everyone knows you but only 5 people showed up!”
My friend replied, “Relax. The people who turned up are the ones who didn’t know me!”
David tells his friend on the long distance call, “It’s been pouring non-stop here since the past 4 days. You know my wife Julia feels extremely down when it rains and keeps looking though the window. If it doesn’t stop raining in the next 2 days, guess I will have to let her in.”
Joejoe asked Bubba, “Why are you heating the knife?”
Bubba replied, “Because I am tired of my life and want to commit suicide.”
Joejoe said, “Ok, but why are you heating it?”
Bubba replied, “What’s wrong with you? You don’t want me to catch an infection, do you?”
After Pablo and Marta got into a domestic quarrel, Pablo said something which offended her and she left for her mother’s home. Pablo called her mother’s home after a few days but his mother-in-law said that Marta was in no mood to talk to him.
A few more days went by and Pablo called again only to be greeted by the same reply.
He called again after a couple of days and the mother-in-law said to him, “Why do you keep calling when you know the answer.”
Pablo replied, “Because I love to hear it again and again. It’s music to my ears!”
Robbie and Pedro were catching up over drinks in a pub. Robbie said to Pedro, “I had a dream last night which made me realize what a Catch-22 situation is.”
Pedro said, “Really? Tell me about it.”
Robbie went on, “Well, in my dream I woke up next to a pretty blonde woman who was more than willing to do it with me. But on the other side of the bed, was this hungry gay man ready to pounce at the drop of a hat.”
Pedro asked, “Ok, so what was the predicament?”
Robbie replied, “Which side should I turn my back to?”
Sam goes to a Card shop and says, “I want a Valentine’s card that says ‘You are the only one I have ever loved in my life’. Do you have one?”
The shop owner says, “As a matter of fact, we have.”
Sam says, “Ok, I would like four of them.”