How to be a good Republican

How to be a good Republican

1. You have to believe that the nation’s current 8-year prosperity was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but yesterday’s gasoline prices are all Clinton’s fault.
2. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.
3. You have to be against all government programs, but expect Social Security checks on time.
4. You have to appreciate the power rush that comes with sporting a gun.
5. You have to believe that the agricultural, restaurant, housing and hotel industries can survive without immigrant labor.
6. You have to believe God hates homosexuality, but loves the death penalty.
7. You have to believe that pollution is OK as long as it makes a profit.
8. You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don’t pray to Allah or Buddha.
9. You have to believe speaking a few Spanish phrases makes you instantly popular in the barrio.
10.You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.
11. You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your hatred for AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton.
12. You have to believe government has nothing to do with providing police protection, national defense, and building roads.

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