Soldier: Sir, we are surrounded!
Major: Excellent! We can attack in any direction now!
• Said to a railroad engineer: What’s the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.
Railroad engineer: How would we know they were late, if we didn’t have a schedule?
• A girl came back home from the school and asked her grandmother, “Granny, what is a lover?”
“A lover?” the grandmother said. “Let me think. Lov…. Lover…. Oh, my God!”
She rushed to the wall, pulled aside the hanging rug, revealing a hidden closet door. She unlocked the door, and a skeleton of a young man fell out from the closet.
• A recent study showed that the average husband only actually speaks to his wife about thirty-seven minutes each week.
Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long does it take to say “Uh-huh” or “Yes dear” or “I’m sorry” ?