Really funny stuff-Similes and metaphors

Really funny stuff-Similes and metaphors

Shredded Similes, Mutilated Metaphors

Given below is a list of actual similes and metaphors found by high school English teachers from across the country in their student’s essays.

– Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

– His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances, like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

– He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

– She grew on him like she was a colony of e-coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

– She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

– Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

– He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

– The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

– The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

– McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

– From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

– Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

– The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

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