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Author: mitesh

Non-stop

Non-stop

David tells his friend on the long distance call, “It’s been pouring non-stop here since the past 4 days. You know my wife Julia feels extremely down when it rains and keeps looking though the window. If it doesn’t stop raining in the next 2 days, guess I will have to let her in.”

We care about hygiene

We care about hygiene

Joejoe asked Bubba, “Why are you heating the knife?”

Bubba replied, “Because I am tired of my life and want to commit suicide.”

Joejoe said, “Ok, but why are you heating it?”

Bubba replied, “What’s wrong with you? You don’t want me to catch an infection, do you?”

In no mood

In no mood

After Pablo and Marta got into a domestic quarrel, Pablo said something which offended her and she left for her mother’s home. Pablo called her mother’s home after a few days but his mother-in-law said that Marta was in no mood to talk to him.

A few more days went by and Pablo called again only to be greeted by the same reply.

He called again after a couple of days and the mother-in-law said to him, “Why do you keep calling when you know the answer.”

Pablo replied, “Because I love to hear it again and again. It’s music to my ears!”

Catch-22 situation

Catch-22 situation

Robbie and Pedro were catching up over drinks in a pub. Robbie said to Pedro, “I had a dream last night which made me realize what a Catch-22 situation is.”

Pedro said, “Really? Tell me about it.”

Robbie went on, “Well, in my dream I woke up next to a pretty blonde woman who was more than willing to do it with me. But on the other side of the bed, was this hungry gay man ready to pounce at the drop of a hat.”

Pedro asked, “Ok, so what was the predicament?”

Robbie replied, “Which side should I turn my back to?”

Buying Valentine’s cards

Buying Valentine’s cards

Sam goes to a Card shop and says, “I want a Valentine’s card that says ‘You are the only one I have ever loved in my life’. Do you have one?”

The shop owner says, “As a matter of fact, we have.”

Sam says, “Ok, I would like four of them.”

Sloshed

Sloshed

Bob said to his friend Nick, “Dude last night I was completely sloshed. I reached home and kept ringing the bell but my wife didn’t open the door. Had to spend the night on the streets.”

Nick asked, “Did you reprimand your wife in the morning?”

Bob replied, “No. When I got over the hangover, I realized that my wife had gone to spend the weekend at her parents. The keys were in my pocket all the time.”

Ice

Ice

Sandy was travelling on a long distance train and had a drink too many while on board. When he called the service person for the eighth time, the attendant got a little irritated and asked, “Sir, what can I do for you NOW?”

Sandy said, “Please get me some more ice, this is my last drink.”

The service person replied, “I am sorry sir, but that would not be possible.”

Sandy asked, “Why?”

The Service person replied, “That’s because the dead body was taken off the train at the previous stop.”