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Category: adult jokes

Catch-22 situation

Catch-22 situation

Robbie and Pedro were catching up over drinks in a pub. Robbie said to Pedro, “I had a dream last night which made me realize what a Catch-22 situation is.”

Pedro said, “Really? Tell me about it.”

Robbie went on, “Well, in my dream I woke up next to a pretty blonde woman who was more than willing to do it with me. But on the other side of the bed, was this hungry gay man ready to pounce at the drop of a hat.”

Pedro asked, “Ok, so what was the predicament?”

Robbie replied, “Which side should I turn my back to?”

Adult jokes-Driving skills

Adult jokes-Driving skills

Bob was trying to impress his wife Clara with his driving skills. Stepping on the accelerator, he said to her, “Just watch my speed now.”

The moment he accelerated, the car broke down and halted.

Clara started laughing loudly.

Bob asked why she was laughing.

Clara replied, “It’s nothing. I just remembered your last night’s adventure.”

Good jokes-Excited husband

Good jokes-Excited husband

Anita called out to her husband Ricky from the bathroom, “Sweetheart, I have applied soap and I need you to come and rub with your muscular hands.”
Ricky got excited and thought to himself, “Today is my lucky day.”
He ran to the bathroom but was saddened to see Anita fully clothed. He said to her”Where am I supposed to rub?”
Anita replied, “There is no need to be too enthusiastic. I have sprinkled detergent soap on the clothes in the tub. Please rub them, rinse them and dry them. I have to go out for shopping.”
Burning Calories

Burning Calories

Do you how many calories you burn when you are making out.

See the list below:

When you lie down: 70 Cal
When you stand up: 350 Cal
When in Doggy mode: 455 Cal
Repeat second time: 850 Cal
While you are at it, and your wife suddenly rings the doorbell: 7500 Cal

Barber joke-Spray me

Barber joke-Spray me

After a shave and haircut, the barber was about to spray some fragrance on John, when John said to the barber, “Skip that stuff, Joey. My wife’s gonna think I visited the house of ill-repute.”
To that, another customer Alex commented quickly, “Spray on me to your heart’s content. My wife has never been to the house of ill-repute.”
First thing

First thing

Lisa says to her boyfriend, “Tom, what is the first thing that you notice in a girl?”

Tom replies back, “Well, it depends whether the girl is coming or going.”

Proposal

Proposal

Sara said to the guy who just proposed to her, “Hey, I don’t even know you. What did you see in me that you proposed to me in front of everyone in the mall.”

The loafer replied, “The way you were sucking that ice-cream, you just won my heart!”

Source: www.miteshasher.blogspot.com

The good old times

The good old times

There were three old women – Martha, Linda and Suzie who lived in a Senior citizens home.

One day, they were remembering the good old times. Martha recollected the big and fresh cucumbers she used to buy from the grocer’s shop. She exhibited with her hands the size of the cucumbers she used to bring home.

Linda remembered the juicy cabbages she used to buy and showed with her hands the size of the cabbages she used to buy in pairs.

Suzie, who was hard of hearing, said, “I can’t hear a thing but I bet you are talking about big John.”

Source: www.miteshasher.blogspot.com

Things to learn from a Dog

Things to learn from a Dog

Rina says to her husband, “There’s so much that I learn from our dog Buzo everyday – to be faithful, to love unconditionally, to trust, to be happy, to be appreciative. What did you learn?”
Ted replies quickly, “The position.”
Source: www.miteshasher.blogspot.com
Reservations please!

Reservations please!

When my boss Mr. Jones took his secretary to a hotel, he was asked by the reception person, “Any reservations?”
Mr. Jones replied promptly, “Ya, she won’t let me do it from behind.”
Source: www.miteshasher.blogspot.com