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Category: animal jokes

Bat trouble

Bat trouble

Two Spear nosed bates were hanging on a branch, when one spoke to the other, “Why the long face? You look troubled.”

The other bat said, “Don’t ask. I had Diarrhea lat night.”

Dog stories

Dog stories

Leo, Buzo and Bonnie are three canines who meet at the veterinarian’s clinic.

They start chatting in doggy language. Leo tells the other two dogs, “Woof! I bit a vagabond in the park. I hope my master has brought me here for vaccination and does not want to put me to rest.”

Buzo says to the others, “Woof! I jumped in the house and broke an ancient Chinese vase. My master was mad at me. I hope he is not thinking of getting rid of me.”

“So what are you here for” they ask the third dog.

Bonnie replies, “The woman who owns me was doing some house work wearing a short dress. When she bent over, I found she wasn’t wearing anything underneath. I climbed her and had a good time!”

“Oh!”, Leo exclaims, “You are sure to be put to rest.”

Bonnie says, “Woof! Nah! I am here to get a shampoo and bath.”

Don’t blow chunks

Don’t blow chunks

Gertrude goes to a wine shop and asks for a six-pack of any brand except Thunderbolt.

The store owner asks him, “Any problem with Thunderbolt? Any complaints?”

Gertrude says, “I will never have that thing again. Last eve, I consumed six cans of Thunderbolt and blew chunks.”

The store owner says, “If you have a lot of beer, be it any brand, you will blow chunks.”

Gertrude, “You don’t get it. Chunks is my cat.”

Horse breeders

Horse breeders

Two horse-breeders are chatting across the fence, when one of them asks, “Do your horses smoke?”

The other, a little surprised, said, “Of course not!”

The first one says, “Then your stable must be burning!”