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Category: doctor jokes

Funniest jokes-Expanded liver

Funniest jokes-Expanded liver

My Spanish friend Pablo visited the doctor complaining of pain in the stomach. Dr. Alejandro told him ,”Your liver has expanded.”
Pablo, always the positive guy, asked the doctor, “Does it mean that I can eat more pollo (chicken)?”

Doctor joke-Weight problem

Doctor joke-Weight problem

Lisa had put on so much weight it was almost impossible to recognize her. She went to the doctor and the doctor, after giving her advise, asked her to see him after a month.
Lisa went to see him again after a month and said, “Doctor, you had told me that playing would solve my weight problems, but I see no improvement!”
The good doctor replied back, “Yes, I had said that but ‘Candy Crush’ wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.”
Chest pain

Chest pain

Doctor Torres asked the patient, “Tell me John, what is troubling you?”

John replied, “I have severe pain in the chest.”

Doctor Torres asked, “Do you like to smoke?”

John said, “Ya, get me a Marboro Lights, I like only that brand.”

Source: www.miteshasher.blogspot.com

Active?

Active?

The country bum visited the gynac with his daughter.

There was a long queue in the clinic. Finally, they were called inside the doctor’s cabin.

The gynac asked, “Well, what is the problem?”

The country bum replied, “Need to put her on birth control.”

The gynac asked, “Is she active with the boys?”

The country bum replied, “Nah! She just lays there same way her mother does.”

Sleeping pills

Sleeping pills

The doctor told Mrs. Eberhardt, “Listen Ma’m,  your husband Phil needs some rest and some silence. Here are some sleeping pills.”

Mrs. Eberhardt asked, “Should I give them to him before or after dinner?”

The good doctor in all his good humor, replied, “The pills are meant for you!”

Deaf cat

Deaf cat

John took his cat to the vet and said to him , “I think Alice is deaf. Can you please check her and advise if her condition can be corrected?”

The vet said, “Let me examine her.”

So the vet picked up the cat and examined her let ear and then her right ear. After a while, he said, “I think I should put her down.”

John asked in a shocked voice, “Put her down? Just because the poor thing is deaf?”

The vet smiled and said, “No. Your cat is very heavy.”

Doctor’s appointment

Doctor’s appointment

When I had Herpes Zoster, I had boils all over my waist ans was going through a lot of pain.

So I called the doctor and he said I will have to wait for 20 days for an appointment.

When I finally got to see the doctor and he saw how much the boils had spread, he commented, “Why didn’t you come to me sooner!”

You can imagine the expression on my face.

A doctor’s remorse

A doctor’s remorse

Dr. James went to see a shrink.

The shrink said to him, “How can I help you doctor?”

Dr. James replied, “I slept with my patient yesterday, and I am full of remorse. I am feeling terribly guilty about it?”

The shrink tried to reassure him by saying, “It’s ok. You are not the first doctor to have got personal with your patient.”

“But” said Dr. James, “I am a Vet.”

Nevermind

Nevermind

Dr. Williams was sleeping soundly when the sound of the phone ringing roused him from his deep slumber. He picked up the phone and growled, “Who is this?”

It was Katie, a young mother, who pleaded on the phone, “We need you to come over urgently. My kid has swallowed a contracptve.”

Dr Williams mumbled, “Okay, I am on my way.”

While he was getting dressed, he got another call from Katie. “Doc”, she said sounding calm, “Nevermind. My hubby found another one.”

Eye doctor

Eye doctor

You should have seen my dad’s face when I took him to the eye doctor to operate on him for cataract. The doctor did everything he could to make him relax, but my dad’s nervousness was at it’s peak.

The doctor kept reassuring him. I also stood next to him if it gave him any consolation. It was what the doctor said after finishing with his first eye, that made my Dad jump! 

The good doctor said, “Well, only one eye left.”