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Category: Life

Bank joke-Who has the money?

Bank joke-Who has the money?

When I looked around at the HDFC bank branch, an attendant rushed to me and asked, “May I help you Sir?”
I said, “Yes, I would like to open a Joint bank account please.”
The attendant, (ignoring my wife who was with me) asked, “Who would you like to open it with?”
Not to let an opportunity like that go by, I joked, “With anybody here who is loaded.”
Life-A teacher’s debt to soceity

Life-A teacher’s debt to soceity

Mrs. Fox  was speeding near the high school where she taught.

A police car pulled her over and the cop asked for my license and documents. As Mrs. Fox’s students drove past, they started honking and hurling comments.

The cop asked her if she was a teacher at the school, and when Mrs. Fox nodded in the affirmative, this is that the cop said:

“Well, guess you have already paid your debt to society,” and let her go!

When your wife wants to see your phone…

When your wife wants to see your phone…

Wife: Can I see your phone for a second?

Husband: Just a moment….
(He gets busy doing the following)
Remove video.
Remove pictures.
Remove private folder.
Remove numbers.
Remove sms.
Remove outgoing calls record.
Remove incoming calls record.
Remove mms.
Remove what’s app.
FORMAT Memory Card…
Here you go, I have nothing to hide from you!

Wife: But I just wanted to see the time…

What Farmer Joe leaves behind

What Farmer Joe leaves behind

What Farmer Joe leaves behind. He leaves:

To his wife: His overdraft at the bank. Maybe she can explain it.

To his son: Equity on his car. Now he will have to go to work to meet the payments.

To his banker: His soul. The banker has the mortgage on it anyway.

To his neighbor: His clown suit. The neighbor will need it if he continues to farm as he has in the past.

To the farm credit corporation: His unpaid bills. They took some real chances on him. He wants to do something for them.

To the junk man: All his machinery. The junk man had his eyes on it for years.

To his undertaker: A special request. He wants six implement dealers and six fertilizer dealers for pallbearers. They are used to carrying him.

To the weatherman: Rain, hail and snow for the funeral please. No sense in having good weather now.

To the grave digger: Don’t bother. The hole he’s in now should be big enough.

And lastly
To the monument maker: Set up a jig for the epitaph. “Here lies a farmer who has noLinkw properly assumed all of his obligations.”

Romantic note

Romantic note

It was a sunny morning and I found a pretty red rose with a long stem on the kitchen table.

I was wondering how after all these years of marriage, my husband could still be so romantic. There was a small love note placed next to it.

It read – “Darling, please DO NOT touch the rose. I am using it’s stem to unclog the drain.”

Complicated family

Complicated family

“Families are complicated enough, but things became even more confusing after my father decided to get married to my brother’s mother-in-law. “Now I can’t make up my mind whether he’s my dad or my father-in- law,” says my brother, “or if my mother-in-law is now my stepmother, or whether my child is my daughter or my niece.”
Life-Didn’t kick

Life-Didn’t kick

Naomi, who was expecting her third child, told the other two children that this baby is kicking a lot. She further explained that when she had the first one, Johnny, he didn’t kick too much.

Johnny gently said to his mother “Mom, do you know why I didn’t kick you too much? Because I knew you were my Mommy”.

Humor jokes-Growing tall

Humor jokes-Growing tall

My son John was only 5 feet, 8 inches tall when he left for college in the fall. He worked through the Christmas holidays and didn’t return home again until the February break.

When he got off the plane, I was stunned at how much taller he looked. Measuring him at home, I discovered he now stood at 5 feet, 11 inches. John was as surprised as I. “Couldn’t you tell by your clothes that you’d grown?” I asked him.

“Since I’ve been doing my own laundry,” he replied, “I just figured everything had shrunk.”

E-mail

E-mail

My son, Patrick is employed with a company that installs computer systems aboard Merchant Navy vessels. Patrick often tells me how crucial the off-ship e-mail capabilities are to sailor morale, especially when some vessels are set out for several months. One day while shopping for groceries at base, he realized another important aspect of his job. He was behind a weary woman, with two hyper-active kids, and as he watched, she stalked over to one of the kids who had climbed into a trolley cart.

“If you don’t get out of it right now,” she threatened “I’m going to e-mail your father!”

A decent burial

A decent burial

A new pastor in Maiden, North Carolina, spent the first week making personal visits to each of his prospective congregation inviting them to come to his inaugural services.

The pastor was disappointed to see a near empty church on the next Sunday. he placed an article in the local newspapers stating that the church was dead and it was everyone’s duty to give it a decent Christian burial. He also announced that the funeral would be held the following Sunday afternoon.

More out of curiosity, a large crowd turned out to witness the “funeral”.

What they saw was a closed coffin which was covered in flowers. After the priest had delivered the eulogy, he opened the coffin and invited his congregation to come forward one by one and pay their final respects to their dead church.
Full of inquisitiveness, and wanting to know how the corpse of a “dead church” would look like, all the town folk eagerly lined up to look in the coffin. Each “mourner” peeped into the coffin then quickly turned away with guilt and shame.
In the coffin, tilted at the correct angle, was a mirror.