A police car pulled her over and the cop asked for my license and documents. As Mrs. Fox’s students drove past, they started honking and hurling comments.
The cop asked her if she was a teacher at the school, and when Mrs. Fox nodded in the affirmative, this is that the cop said:
“Well, guess you have already paid your debt to society,” and let her go!
Husband: Just a moment….
(He gets busy doing the following)
Remove private folder.
Remove outgoing calls record.
Remove incoming calls record.
Remove what’s app.
FORMAT Memory Card…
Here you go, I have nothing to hide from you!
Wife: But I just wanted to see the time…
To his wife: His overdraft at the bank. Maybe she can explain it.
To his son: Equity on his car. Now he will have to go to work to meet the payments.
To his banker: His soul. The banker has the mortgage on it anyway.
To his neighbor: His clown suit. The neighbor will need it if he continues to farm as he has in the past.
To the farm credit corporation: His unpaid bills. They took some real chances on him. He wants to do something for them.
To the junk man: All his machinery. The junk man had his eyes on it for years.
To his undertaker: A special request. He wants six implement dealers and six fertilizer dealers for pallbearers. They are used to carrying him.
To the weatherman: Rain, hail and snow for the funeral please. No sense in having good weather now.
To the grave digger: Don’t bother. The hole he’s in now should be big enough.
To the monument maker: Set up a jig for the epitaph. “Here lies a farmer who has now properly assumed all of his obligations.”
I was wondering how after all these years of marriage, my husband could still be so romantic. There was a small love note placed next to it.
It read – “Darling, please DO NOT touch the rose. I am using it’s stem to unclog the drain.”
Johnny gently said to his mother “Mom, do you know why I didn’t kick you too much? Because I knew you were my Mommy”.
When he got off the plane, I was stunned at how much taller he looked. Measuring him at home, I discovered he now stood at 5 feet, 11 inches. John was as surprised as I. “Couldn’t you tell by your clothes that you’d grown?” I asked him.
“Since I’ve been doing my own laundry,” he replied, “I just figured everything had shrunk.”
“If you don’t get out of it right now,” she threatened “I’m going to e-mail your father!”
The pastor was disappointed to see a near empty church on the next Sunday. he placed an article in the local newspapers stating that the church was dead and it was everyone’s duty to give it a decent Christian burial. He also announced that the funeral would be held the following Sunday afternoon.
More out of curiosity, a large crowd turned out to witness the “funeral”.
What they saw was a closed coffin which was covered in flowers. After the priest had delivered the eulogy, he opened the coffin and invited his congregation to come forward one by one and pay their final respects to their dead church.
Full of inquisitiveness, and wanting to know how the corpse of a “dead church” would look like, all the town folk eagerly lined up to look in the coffin. Each “mourner” peeped into the coffin then quickly turned away with guilt and shame.
In the coffin, tilted at the correct angle, was a mirror.