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Humor jokes-Growing tall

Humor jokes-Growing tall

My son John was only 5 feet, 8 inches tall when he left for college in the fall. He worked through the Christmas holidays and didn’t return home again until the February break.

When he got off the plane, I was stunned at how much taller he looked. Measuring him at home, I discovered he now stood at 5 feet, 11 inches. John was as surprised as I. “Couldn’t you tell by your clothes that you’d grown?” I asked him.

“Since I’ve been doing my own laundry,” he replied, “I just figured everything had shrunk.”

E-mail

E-mail

My son, Patrick is employed with a company that installs computer systems aboard Merchant Navy vessels. Patrick often tells me how crucial the off-ship e-mail capabilities are to sailor morale, especially when some vessels are set out for several months. One day while shopping for groceries at base, he realized another important aspect of his job. He was behind a weary woman, with two hyper-active kids, and as he watched, she stalked over to one of the kids who had climbed into a trolley cart.

“If you don’t get out of it right now,” she threatened “I’m going to e-mail your father!”

A decent burial

A decent burial

A new pastor in Maiden, North Carolina, spent the first week making personal visits to each of his prospective congregation inviting them to come to his inaugural services.

The pastor was disappointed to see a near empty church on the next Sunday. he placed an article in the local newspapers stating that the church was dead and it was everyone’s duty to give it a decent Christian burial. He also announced that the funeral would be held the following Sunday afternoon.

More out of curiosity, a large crowd turned out to witness the “funeral”.

What they saw was a closed coffin which was covered in flowers. After the priest had delivered the eulogy, he opened the coffin and invited his congregation to come forward one by one and pay their final respects to their dead church.
Full of inquisitiveness, and wanting to know how the corpse of a “dead church” would look like, all the town folk eagerly lined up to look in the coffin. Each “mourner” peeped into the coffin then quickly turned away with guilt and shame.
In the coffin, tilted at the correct angle, was a mirror.

Because of Love

Because of Love

When I took my children to meet my mother during Christmas, Bob & Glen began to sing loudly to impress her. Though they were totally off-key, my mother listened to them with patience.

When it was finally over, Bob said, “Grandma, we sang because we love you.”

Ever so witty, my mother’s response was, “And I listened because I love you.”

My son’s share

My son’s share

On Father’s day, my little son Neel came running to me and demanded, “Dad, I want half of the gifts you received.”

When I asked why, he replied, “If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be a father.”