Browsed by
Category: Office jokes

Plane joke-Dimensions

Plane joke-Dimensions

Santa Singh, who was travelling by air for the first time, called the air hostess and asked her, “What is the height of the plane?”
The air hostess replied with a smile, “Approximately thirty four thousand feet.”
Santa Singh’s eyes popped out and he asked in a very astonished tone, “That’s incredible! How wide is it then?”
Sarcastic joke-Indispensable

Sarcastic joke-Indispensable

My boss, Mr. Simmons called me into his cabin and said, “There must have been times when you realized that you are an important person in the company. So, tell me Joey, when did you feel that you are indispensable?” 
I replied, “Sure I did, sir….whenever I applied for my annual leave.”
No bananas

No bananas

When Joseph made a small mathematical error in his MIS report, his boss Mr. Jones did not miss the opportunity to demean him in front of his colleagues. Mr. Jones said to Joseph in an angry tone,”If you had 4 bananas, and I asked you to give me 2, how many would you be left with?”

Without hesitation, Joseph replied, “If YOU had asked, I would still be left with 4 bananas.”

Regular

Regular

Jack Rogers was tired of his workplace and was looking for a new job. He tried hard to shake off his image as a person who was not sincere to his work. But the harder he tried, the more it kept following him.

One day while in office, the phone was ringing, and because the receptionist was not around, he picked up the phone.

“Hello”, said the caller, “I want to make an inquiry about a person called Jack Rogers. This is with regards to an opening in my company. Do you know this man?”

Smiling to himself, Jack replied, “Yes of course I know him.”

The caller asked, “Is he regular with his work? Is he punctual?”

Jack replied with all honesty, “Well, I am not too regular myself, but whenever I am here, he is here.”

Duties of a personal secretary

Duties of a personal secretary

Lily, a charming girl, was appointed personal secretary to Dean, a highly placed and dashing company executive. As the first day of her job came to closing hour, the office staff began to leave one by one.  Only a peon was left. Lily, being Dean’s personal secretary could not leave until her boss said so. Finally, Dean called Lily to his cabin and asked, “I suppose you know what time you should leave office?”

Lily answered, “Oh yes sir, not until somebody knocks on the cabin door.”

Nice job

Nice job

Bob and Davis worked in a law office. Davis had also enrolled himself for a part-time MBA program.

One morning, there was a call for Davis. Bob replied that Davis wasn’t in yet and offered to take a message. The caller said he would call back later.

The caller tried again at 11: 30 am and Bob reported that Davis had gone out for lunch.

The final call came at 4 p.m. It was Bob again who received the call and said, “I’m sorry, he has left for the day. Can I take a message?”

“Yes,” the caller replied. “How can I get a job with you?”

Light bulb jokes-Microsoft support staff

Light bulb jokes-Microsoft support staff

Q. How many Microsoft support staff does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Four.
One to ask “What is the registration number of the light bulb?”,
one to ask “Have you tried rebooting it?”,
another to ask “Have you tried reinstalling it?”
and the last one to say “It must be your hardware because the light bulb in our office works fine…”

Not much upstairs

Not much upstairs

Two management executives, Mark and Jim, saw the finance head go out for lunch with a sexy and attractive secretary.

Mark remarked, “Doesn’t look like she has much upstairs.”

Jim replied, “I don’t think that’s the floor the finance head is getting off at.”

Performance Appraisal remarks

Performance Appraisal remarks

Some interesting remarks made by managers in the Performance Appraisal of their subordinates.

1. “This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won’t be.”

2. “Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.”

3. “A gross ignoramus – 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.”

4. “He doesn’t have ulcers, but he’s a carrier.

5. “I would like to go hunting with him sometime.”

6. “He’s been working with glue too much.”

7. “He would argue with a signpost.”

8. “He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.”

9. “When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.”

10. “If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one.”

11. “A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.”

12. “A prime candidate for natural de-selection.”

13. “Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.”

14. “Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.”

15. “He’s got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.”

16. “If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.”

17. “If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.”

18. “If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.”

19. “It’s hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.”

20. “One neuron short of a synapse.”

21. “Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.”

22. “Takes him 2 hours to watch ’60-minutes’.”

23. “The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.”