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Category: Really funny jokes

Catch-22 situation

Catch-22 situation

Robbie and Pedro were catching up over drinks in a pub. Robbie said to Pedro, “I had a dream last night which made me realize what a Catch-22 situation is.”

Pedro said, “Really? Tell me about it.”

Robbie went on, “Well, in my dream I woke up next to a pretty blonde woman who was more than willing to do it with me. But on the other side of the bed, was this hungry gay man ready to pounce at the drop of a hat.”

Pedro asked, “Ok, so what was the predicament?”

Robbie replied, “Which side should I turn my back to?”

Buying Valentine’s cards

Buying Valentine’s cards

Sam goes to a Card shop and says, “I want a Valentine’s card that says ‘You are the only one I have ever loved in my life’. Do you have one?”

The shop owner says, “As a matter of fact, we have.”

Sam says, “Ok, I would like four of them.”

Sloshed

Sloshed

Bob said to his friend Nick, “Dude last night I was completely sloshed. I reached home and kept ringing the bell but my wife didn’t open the door. Had to spend the night on the streets.”

Nick asked, “Did you reprimand your wife in the morning?”

Bob replied, “No. When I got over the hangover, I realized that my wife had gone to spend the weekend at her parents. The keys were in my pocket all the time.”

Under the table

Under the table

A dude was having a candle light dinner with a pretty lady in a nice restaurant. They were smiling and laughing and generally having a good time.

Ana, the waitress, who was serving another customer at the next table, noticed the lady suddenly bend and slide under the table. She also saw that the dude did not seem to take any notice and was just whistling to himself.

Ana, in her profession had seen many strange things but this one seemed a little too odd. She was further surprised to see the lady settle herself under the table and the dude continued to be oblivious of the situation.

Very intrigued and a little concerned about what the other customers would think, Ana went to the table and said, “Excuse me Sir, I think your wife just went under the table.”

The dude replied, “As a matter of fact, she just walked in.”

Drunk loafer

Drunk loafer

The drunk loafer said to the man at the bus stop, “Are you Spanish?”

Man at the bus stop replied, “No, I am Indian.”

The drunk loafer said, “No! You are Spanish!”

Man at the bus stop replied, “No, I am Indian.”

The Drunk loafer said, “No! You ARE Spanish!”

Man at the bus stop, now irritated, replied, “Ok, I am Spanish.”

The Drunk loafer said, “But you look like an Indian!”

Hilarious jokes-Say your prayers!

Hilarious jokes-Say your prayers!

My neighours, the Jenkins family went downtown to have dinner at a nice restaurant. As soon as the waiter served the food, Mr. Jenkins exclaimed, “Wow! Smell the aroma? This looks delicious. Let’s start.”
Mrs. Jenkins interrupted, “Wait a moment. Should we not say our prayers before we start, just like we do at home?” 
Mrs. Jenkins retorted, “It’s different at home. Here the Chef knows what he is doing!”
Joke of the day-Hurt

Joke of the day-Hurt

Jason goes to see his doctor with his head bleeding. After applying bandages, the doc asks him, “How did you get hurt?”
Jason replied, “My mother-in-law came home and my wife asked me to order something for her.”
The doc asked, “and?”
Jason replied, “I ordered a cab.” 
The forgetful Prof. Higgins

The forgetful Prof. Higgins

The ever forgetful Prof. Higgins went to his medical class and announced, “Today we shall learn to dissect. I have brought a frog with me here.”
Saying this, he put a hand in his pocket and took out a packet. When he opened it, there was a sandwich in it.  
The Professor thought hard, “What did I have for breakfast?”
Very funny jokes-The surprise!

Very funny jokes-The surprise!

At a social gathering, Juan introduced his wife to an acquaintance. He said, “Martin, meet my wife Becky.”
Martin replied, “We don’t need any introduction.”
Juan was surprised and asked, “Do you know each other?”
Martin replied, “We were caught napping together.”
Juan lost his cool and shouted, “What do you mean? When and how?”
Martin replied, “In the Finance lectures when we were doing MBA. We were in the same class.”
 
Funny joke-Smart guide

Funny joke-Smart guide

Tina was exploring the outskirts of the jungle with her tour guide Raju, when they came across some animal tracks. 

Frightened, she said, “Those look like leopard tracks to me.”
Raju replied, “You go and check where they lead to and I will discover where they originated from.”