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Category: Really funny jokes

Famous singer

Famous singer

A friend of mine from Chandigarh, who had aspirations to become a famous singer, tried to participate in a show. He persuaded the organizers to give him a big fee and told them, “Everyone knows me!”

Finally, the musical event happened and only 5 people turned up.

The manager of the event was mad at him and shouted, “You have deceived us! You claimed that everyone knows you but only 5 people showed up!”

My friend replied, “Relax. The people who turned up are the ones who didn’t know me!”

In no mood

In no mood

After Pablo and Marta got into a domestic quarrel, Pablo said something which offended her and she left for her mother’s home. Pablo called her mother’s home after a few days but his mother-in-law said that Marta was in no mood to talk to him.

A few more days went by and Pablo called again only to be greeted by the same reply.

He called again after a couple of days and the mother-in-law said to him, “Why do you keep calling when you know the answer.”

Pablo replied, “Because I love to hear it again and again. It’s music to my ears!”

Catch-22 situation

Catch-22 situation

Robbie and Pedro were catching up over drinks in a pub. Robbie said to Pedro, “I had a dream last night which made me realize what a Catch-22 situation is.”

Pedro said, “Really? Tell me about it.”

Robbie went on, “Well, in my dream I woke up next to a pretty blonde woman who was more than willing to do it with me. But on the other side of the bed, was this hungry gay man ready to pounce at the drop of a hat.”

Pedro asked, “Ok, so what was the predicament?”

Robbie replied, “Which side should I turn my back to?”

Buying Valentine’s cards

Buying Valentine’s cards

Sam goes to a Card shop and says, “I want a Valentine’s card that says ‘You are the only one I have ever loved in my life’. Do you have one?”

The shop owner says, “As a matter of fact, we have.”

Sam says, “Ok, I would like four of them.”

Sloshed

Sloshed

Bob said to his friend Nick, “Dude last night I was completely sloshed. I reached home and kept ringing the bell but my wife didn’t open the door. Had to spend the night on the streets.”

Nick asked, “Did you reprimand your wife in the morning?”

Bob replied, “No. When I got over the hangover, I realized that my wife had gone to spend the weekend at her parents. The keys were in my pocket all the time.”

Under the table

Under the table

A dude was having a candle light dinner with a pretty lady in a nice restaurant. They were smiling and laughing and generally having a good time.

Ana, the waitress, who was serving another customer at the next table, noticed the lady suddenly bend and slide under the table. She also saw that the dude did not seem to take any notice and was just whistling to himself.

Ana, in her profession had seen many strange things but this one seemed a little too odd. She was further surprised to see the lady settle herself under the table and the dude continued to be oblivious of the situation.

Very intrigued and a little concerned about what the other customers would think, Ana went to the table and said, “Excuse me Sir, I think your wife just went under the table.”

The dude replied, “As a matter of fact, she just walked in.”

Drunk loafer

Drunk loafer

The drunk loafer said to the man at the bus stop, “Are you Spanish?”

Man at the bus stop replied, “No, I am Indian.”

The drunk loafer said, “No! You are Spanish!”

Man at the bus stop replied, “No, I am Indian.”

The Drunk loafer said, “No! You ARE Spanish!”

Man at the bus stop, now irritated, replied, “Ok, I am Spanish.”

The Drunk loafer said, “But you look like an Indian!”