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Category: very funny jokes

Sloshed

Sloshed

Bob said to his friend Nick, “Dude last night I was completely sloshed. I reached home and kept ringing the bell but my wife didn’t open the door. Had to spend the night on the streets.”

Nick asked, “Did you reprimand your wife in the morning?”

Bob replied, “No. When I got over the hangover, I realized that my wife had gone to spend the weekend at her parents. The keys were in my pocket all the time.”

Ice

Ice

Sandy was travelling on a long distance train and had a drink too many while on board. When he called the service person for the eighth time, the attendant got a little irritated and asked, “Sir, what can I do for you NOW?”

Sandy said, “Please get me some more ice, this is my last drink.”

The service person replied, “I am sorry sir, but that would not be possible.”

Sandy asked, “Why?”

The Service person replied, “That’s because the dead body was taken off the train at the previous stop.”

Under the table

Under the table

A dude was having a candle light dinner with a pretty lady in a nice restaurant. They were smiling and laughing and generally having a good time.

Ana, the waitress, who was serving another customer at the next table, noticed the lady suddenly bend and slide under the table. She also saw that the dude did not seem to take any notice and was just whistling to himself.

Ana, in her profession had seen many strange things but this one seemed a little too odd. She was further surprised to see the lady settle herself under the table and the dude continued to be oblivious of the situation.

Very intrigued and a little concerned about what the other customers would think, Ana went to the table and said, “Excuse me Sir, I think your wife just went under the table.”

The dude replied, “As a matter of fact, she just walked in.”

Drunk loafer

Drunk loafer

The drunk loafer said to the man at the bus stop, “Are you Spanish?”

Man at the bus stop replied, “No, I am Indian.”

The drunk loafer said, “No! You are Spanish!”

Man at the bus stop replied, “No, I am Indian.”

The Drunk loafer said, “No! You ARE Spanish!”

Man at the bus stop, now irritated, replied, “Ok, I am Spanish.”

The Drunk loafer said, “But you look like an Indian!”

Joke of the day-Surprise!

Joke of the day-Surprise!

Little Johnny says to his mother, “Mom, I was a small brother.”

His mother says to him, “Your papa is in Jordan. Let him come back, we will think about it then.”

Little Johnny, not to give up so soon, says, “Let us give him a surprise.”

His mother screams, “Just be quiet. You are already a surprise for your papa. No more surprises!”

Hilarious jokes-The farm expereince

Hilarious jokes-The farm expereince

Antonio was passing through the country side. It was getting dark, so he stopped at a farmhouse and asked the owner if he could stay the night. The owner agreed and offered him a room for the night.
In the morning, the owner asked Antonio if he could catch some sleep.
Antonio replied, “Actually, no. The bed was comfortable and there was cross-ventilation in the room, but there was a constant sound of someone banging the door.
The owner said, “Oh, that’s old Buzo, the pig. He gets distressed when we give his room to someone.”
Joke of the day-Explanations

Joke of the day-Explanations

Roger was with his wife, buying confectionery at the store when a young girl smiled at him and said, “Hi!”. Roger returned the greeting. Roger’s wife glared at him and asked, “Who is that?”
Roger replied, “Please don’t irritate me. I also need to explain to her about you.”
Barber services

Barber services

Alvaro went to the barber’s shop and asked Pelu the barber, “What do you charge for a haircut?”
Pelu replied, “20 dollars.”
Alvaro then asked, “What do you charge for a shave?”
Pelu replied, “10 dollars.”
Alvaro said, “Okay then, can you kindly shave my head.”
Plane joke-Dimensions

Plane joke-Dimensions

Santa Singh, who was travelling by air for the first time, called the air hostess and asked her, “What is the height of the plane?”
The air hostess replied with a smile, “Approximately thirty four thousand feet.”
Santa Singh’s eyes popped out and he asked in a very astonished tone, “That’s incredible! How wide is it then?”
Burning Calories

Burning Calories

Do you how many calories you burn when you are making out.

See the list below:

When you lie down: 70 Cal
When you stand up: 350 Cal
When in Doggy mode: 455 Cal
Repeat second time: 850 Cal
While you are at it, and your wife suddenly rings the doorbell: 7500 Cal